Facilitating movement towards a solution amidst dire or difficult situations is an art. One must lift up the metaphorical mirror to the person seeking help, so the person can see what needs to be fixed. Not knowing is one way of lifting up that mirror.
Some therapists employ a not knowing attitude when working with their clients. The idea behind not knowing is to ask effective questions to gain context to the meaning of the client’s words, phrases, beliefs, and values, in order to guide the client to a solution-based perspective to the issue at hand. In other words, the therapist asks questions that tease out their client’s strengths and resources, and then proceeds to guide the client into formulating their own solution, based on the strengths and resources available. Ski instructors employ a similar approach with their clients.
Ski instructors are taught not to lift up their students once they have fallen; they don’t want the novice depending on someone every time they fall. Rather, ski instructors are taught to ask their student a series of questions that enable them to discover how to get up on their own. The instructor might ask, “How do you think your skis should be positioned to be more effective?” or, “Should your skis point down or across the hill?” The premise is for the student to take ownership of conceiving their own solution, which increases the chance of success. Therefore, the premise behind not knowing is for the client to take ownership of conceiving their own viable solution, rather than making them responsible for the problem. For many clients, not knowing is effective because of its respectful, nonjudgmental, and nonpresumptive approach, but also, because problems live in the past, whereas goals and solutions live in the present and future.
The topic of not knowing struck me on my way to the school building. There I noticed two prisoners hurling threats towards one another. The situation was escalating quickly when suddenly an old man’s voice erupted between the two. The voice exclaimed, “Ya’ll can’t stand freedom huh? Ya’ll wanna stay steady locked in a cage?” Normally, someone butting in would be told to mind their own business, but the old man is revered so the prisoners listened. The prisoners then immediately dispersed, as if the question led them to their senses.
The experience led me to think about how powerful questions are, when the right question is asked at the right time. In this case, the question might have spurred these quarrelling men to think about their vision of life. For all intents and purposes, the old man asked a not knowing question; he wanted the men to discover the intent of their decisions on their own. Perhaps the quarrelling men have a subconscious fear of freedom, or enjoy living in shackles, or actually want freedom but were blinded by anger. Therefore, from my perspective, it was a valid question. Whatever the case, the old man’s question facilitated a positive outcome. The old man lifted up the metaphorical mirror to these men, where they were able to see themselves as a solution instead of a problem.