There are various theories as to why some women remain in abusive relationships. The theories addressed here pertain to the behavior of the victim. Psychologists suggest that women stay in abusive relationships for different reasons, such as, they blame themselves for the abuse, or they deny that there is a problem, or they believe in the sanctity of marriage, or they feel responsible for helping the batterer.
According the Handbook of Domestic Violence Intervention Strategies Ed. by Albert Roberts, there are six main theories that attempt to explain why women stay in abusive relationships.
1. The Cycle of Violence Theory
The cycle of violence theory is a violence model that expresses the phases in the cycle of abuse. The first phase is the “Tension-Building Phase.” In Tension-Building there is verbal abuse and minor battering. In this phase the victim attempts to “placate” their abuser but the violence only escalates. The next phase is called the “Acute-Battering Phase,” this is where the abuse escalates into severe violence. The third phase is called the “Honeymoon Phase,” this is where the abuser apologizes and offers empty promises and/or gifts, and the victim falls back in love with them. The victim is then convinced that the honeymoon will last, until the cycle starts all over again.
2. Learned Helplessness Theory
Learned Helplessness was first conceived by Martin Seligman, a psychologist who ran an experiment on dogs to see if he can train them to become helpless. Dogs were given random shocks that were not based on behavior. Initially, the dogs attempted to escape the random shocks but weren’t able. Eventually, with enough shocks, the dogs gave up escaping, due to their repeated unsuccessful attempts. Even when the dogs were shown how to escape they didn’t bother. It wasn’t until repeatedly dragging the dogs to their escape that they finally learned to avoid the shocks. The experiment revealed that when shocked enough times, the dogs changed their behavior into accepting the abuse because they learned that it couldn’t be avoided. In the same sense, many battered victims have been repeatedly abused, and therefore, for a lack of a better term, brainwashed into believing that there is no use in even trying because they can’t survive on the their own. Thus, they believe leaving the relationship isn’t going improve the quality of their life. In other words, the victim believes, “damned if I do, damned if I don’t, so why bother?”
3. Stockholm Syndrome Theory
Stockholm Syndrome or Hostage Syndrome posits that a bond is developed between the victim and captor due to occasional acts of kindness and support by the captor, since the victim is isolated from outsiders. Theorists have argued that battered women are analogous to hostages because of physical and psychological threats made by the batterer. They stay in the relationship due to occasional kindness in the midst of threats, beatings, and isolation from friends and family.
4. Traumatic Bonding Theory
Traumatic Bonding Theory suggests that women do not leave abusive relationships due to strong and unhealthy attachments to one another, based on anxiousness and fear of abandonment. Each partner creates ways to control the other, or to avoid abandonment.
5. Battered Woman Syndrome
Like Learned Helplessness, Battered Woman Syndrome theorizes that some women stay in abusive relationships because of extreme fear and the belief that there is no escape. The syndrome develops over time through repeated cycles of violence. The victim loses hope and feels unable to deal effectively with her situation.
6. Psychological Entrapment Theory
The theory of Psychological Entrapment posits that a woman does not leave the abusive relationship because she invested time, energy, and emotion toward helping her abusive partner reach the goal of becoming nonviolent. However, the violence continues, but the woman still holds out on change, even though change never happens.
Are you or someone you know in an abusive relationship? Just know that help is available! Support is available! Change is possible!
Contact TheHotline.Org to speak to a trained professional to guide you or someone you know to safety today!
Contact the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health @ nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org or by phone: 1-312-726-7020 extension 2011 to discuss therapeutic and treatment options for you or someone you love.