A pattern of conflict will ultimately end destructively. Death, divorce, separation, estrangement, damages, assaults and injuries are always the result of conflict. Patterns of conflict and destruction are inseparable. Keyword: pattern. The exception is when there isn’t a pattern but a conflict, disagreement, dispute or misunderstanding did occur, and it is resolved amicably, due to mutual respect on both sides; parties that share an equal concern for one another’s wellbeing. But what if one side of the party is not concerned for the wellbeing of the other side?
How does one respond to a partner that uses lies and deceptive tactics to win an argument or get what they want? Abusers do not believe in equality. Abusers have an insatiable appetite to control the relationship. The only option is to leave the relationship when it comes to being involved with a deceptive abusive habitual liar.
Once an woman witnesses their husband or boyfriend making up endless lies, they should realize that they can expect to hear more lies and empty promises in regards to healing the relationship by “making things right.” That is why their only option is to leave. Abusers operate solely on deceptive controlling tactics. Abusers are not looking to get help, to seek a therapist, or hold themselves accountable for their actions. They are under their own lies, believing their abusive behavior is just, acceptable, and normal. The only option for a safe and secure and better life is to leave the abusive relationship.
Leaving is difficult and in some cases dangerous, that’s why in many cases, a safety plan needs to be made before leaving the relationship. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline @ 800-799-7233 and ask them to help you arrange a safety plan. The National D.V. Hotline has experienced individuals readily available to personalize your safety plan. Sometimes a safety plan can mean waiting for the abuser to go to sleep or leave for work or the store, or pass out drunk, when leaving them. Sometimes the safety plan can be more complicated, such as involving a shelter, relatives, and law enforcement.
If you feel uneasy or unsafe in a relationship, here are some early warning signs of domestic violence to watch out for:
- Abusers blame everyone else, it’s always someone else’s fault.
- Abusers throw or break objects and usually objects that are important to their significant other.
- Abusers have controlling behavior, they always make the decisions, monitor calls, texts, emails, whereabouts, etc.
- Abusers treat their significant other’s pets with cruelty.
- Abusers have a duplicitous personality. For instance, at home they may be cold and cruel, but outside the home they are warm and fun loving.
- Abusers push, shove, hit, choke, hold, grab, etc. They get physical during an argument.
- Abusers usually have a history of violence.
- Abusers are overly insecure and hypersensitive, everything is a personal attack to them.
- Abusers isolate their wife or girlfriend from social circles, such as their friends and family and coworkers.
- Abusers are jealous and possessive, they do not trust their partner.
- Abusers push for quick involvement, they refuse to take things slow in a relationship. They want commitment, sex, etc. and they want it now!
- Abusers use threats of violence to get their way.
- Abusers use verbal abuse, demeaning their partner.
- Abusers maintain unrealistic expectations with their partner, everything has to be just perfect or all hell breaks loose.
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get help and clarity on how you should proceed if you are noticing these signs in your relationship or know someone experiencing these signs in their relationship.
Relationships will know peace when the bond of love produces a consistent and daily commitment to the wellbeing of one another.